• Tram McDooley

What Orphan Boy Did When He Heard His Principal Had Cancer Is PERFECT But We're Not Gonna Tell You

Updated: Jun 30, 2020

That's right, you heard us. We're not gonna say.

No, seriously. We're not going to tell you about the principal, the orphan boy, or what the orphan boy did that was so damn perfect as soon as he heard the news.

We're not going to tell you: A.) what kind of cancer it was

B.) whether the school is located in Maine

C.) about the district's property tax levy fiasco

D.) if the act were too pure for this world

E.) if the library or gym were ever the site of a mass shooting

We're definitely not going to tell you the name of the school mascot or if it's a horse or a fruit. If you ask us how big the bouquet of roses was, or if George Clooney really surprised everybody by doing morning announcements in a funny voice, our lips are sealed.

BUT, if you do want to know exactly how moved the student body was, or how loud in decibels the applause registered in the windowless gym that had to be remodeled after a great tragedy, or if the principal is even still alive, fuck you.

Why'd you even click the link? Didn't you read the headline?

You did not.

You read all 24 words until you got to the period and then said to yourself: oh hey maybe by reading this I will learn all about how the principal's family was absolutely devastated by the diagnosis until a boy who has no parents of his own went above and beyond the call of orphanhood to do something so adorably touching it made These H1N1 Times.

Wow. Check your privilege much? Didn't think so.

You clicked. Like a common roustabout.

tl;dr The orphan boy made the principal a card and got his neighbor George Clooney to sign it.

#fruit #horse #bed #touching

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