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  • Tram McDooley

Most Depressing Epitaphs


Death is a hard thing to think about no matter how much money you make. It is uncomfortable to discuss in most scenarios, including weddings. It is such a big deal that even when beautiful people think about death, they feel uneasy (we really do!).

Thankfully, there's the epitaph: stone-chiseled words no earthly force can erase, except time and weather.

Some of the most common and successful epitaphs are your everyday non-terrifying phrases like "I liked animals"; “Thank you for visiting me in the cemetery today”; and “Everyone was really nice.”

Epitaphs always make you feel better about dying.

But a few spoilsports actually go out of their way to request a most depressing epitaph. Whenever we see one of these abominations on our morning walk through a graveyard, it makes us want to live forever so we never have to meet these idiots.

That’s All, Folks – Mel Blanc

Innocent enough, right? Kinda cute? No. This is a classic example of a gotcha epitaph. We think we’re reading a harmless homage to Porky Pig on the headstone of the actor who voiced him. But think harder. "That's all, folks" is actually just a way to say that death is the end of life, that there will be no more life afterward. Pretty depressing if you stop and think about it!

His future remained in the past. – Alexander Godunov

It’s not enough for someone to die. Now he has to be insulted, too?

[an error occurred while processing this directive] – Timothy Shaker, PhD

An entire human personality is conveyed here, from the witty yet eerily accurate epitaph to the decomposing body’s name and professional degree. Never to return, this man’s personality has gone out into the wild, has died, and has been wiped clean from the universe. And that’s super creepy.

I was young once. Now, in the deep of time, I still am. – Anonymous

Another one of those gotcha epitaphs. This one's a little better though because it suggests eternal youth. The best thing a person can be is young. Two stars.

You don't have to be famous. Just be. – Meryl Streep (unconfirmed)

News flash, bitch: fame is everything. And how can the dead be? This ableist diss from America’s most North American film star is far beneath the dignity of a corpse.

What do you think of these most depressing epitaphs? Tell someone you love about it today, before it's too late!

#epitaph #MelBlanc #DieHard #MerylStreep #love #dignity

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Love you, buddy.

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